I love my cousins but I don't dialogue with them regularly. In fact, it's been over 35 years since I've talked to 3 of the 5 sisters. While I get updates through two of my cousins, I don't feel I know the other ladies like I should. I mean, they're family, right?
When I was young and my grandmother was alive, we spent a good deal of time with my father's brother's family. Of course we had holiday get-togethers; but more than that, we enjoyed time with our cousins. I have special memories of every one of them, in particular the younger ones with whom I was closest.
I have a theory why things change. The matriarch of the family is the glue. She keeps her children together, suggesting ways for them to be in touch, having their families over to her home, encouraging socializing. But once the matriarch passes on, her children often lose touch and drift into their own lives away from their siblings. It isn't intentional, it's just how life works.
My grandmother passed away while I was still in high school. Even though my grandfather was still alive and active with his kids, he wasn't their mother and didn't inspire closeness. Eventually, we cousins saw less and less of each other as we began our families and started traditions of our own. I'm ashamed to say, one day my uncle's daughters became a distant memory for me.
I am sorry for that. I feel responsible for not making more of an effort to keep those relationships alive and fresh. Life happens around us and we spend time on those connections we want to enhance. It is as much my doing as anyone's.
Many times, when the matriarch of the family passes away, so do relationships between siblings. In this case it was my father and his brother, and consequently, my cousins and my siblings. In keeping with that theology, my cousins found they lost touch with one another when my aunt, their mother, passed away. Recently I lost both of my parents and I'm concerned my siblings and I will associate less and less with one another. The glue is no longer there to keep us from drifting apart.
I am determined to break the cycle; I don't want this to happen to my brothers and sister! In an effort to avoid what's happened in the past, I will vow to keep in touch with my siblings and nurture those relationships by keeping connections strong.
I've decided to gladly step into the role of "glue"! God knows we all could use some bonding!
